Found Out About You
by Ireth Melwasul
Summary: Kili deals with a broken heart after Tauriel leaves. Through the years he fights back the need to know about her until one day he can't help it any longer and finds out things he wished he'd never known; and to worsen everything, now she's back. Kiliel. One Shot. Massive AU... and fluff?


_Couple things I should say before you read:_

_Massive AU._

_Inspired by Gin Blossoms' song "Found Out About You" (hence the title)._

_I own nothing here._

_And this is unbetaed, I apologize for the mistakes I'm sure you'll find... but I promise I'll edit soon._

* * *

Dublin's streets were crowded, people went back and forth without even stopping to look at their surroundings, they were all like robots with programmed destinations; focused, with tunnel vision. The air was filled with the heaviness of whispers, the buzzing of the vehicles on the street and the particular aroma of an early spring morning that still holds on stubbornly to the old and poor winter; but of course, no one else noticed this except Kili. He would've been oblivious to these details if that morning he hadn't woken up with the slight feeling of something being out of place. Since he jumped out of bed that morning he had been extra aware of his environment, and as he walked along the boulevards he stared at everybody's faces…

The odd sensation that you get when everything yells that you will run into someone you know hadn't left him alone, and soon enough he was looking for a face; and deep down, in the very core, he wished the face he'd meet would be _hers_. It had been a very long time since he had last thought of her –well, since he had last _admitted _that she'd crossed his mind. Her fiery hair and smart eyes were always playing in the back of his head, burning him with the wonder of how things could've been if she had decided to stay.

Their relationship had started in their late college years, when they were both about to graduate. The summer they spent together was full of promises and sweet kisses they swore they'd never forget; Kili didn't know her enough, but he knew that she'd been his just as much as he'd been hers. Kili _knew_ that he had occupied her mind the same way she had conquered his. These memories and oaths of never ending love and passion had messed with his heart… when she decided to leave; he was left to think all the lines she'd said to him were lies, and for a time he believed she had only loved him in his head.

The first months without her had been torture; his mind and heart were being judged and he wasn't quite sure which was the offense, but he felt imprisoned as he held himself back from trying to find out about her. Kili had worked hard to play the fool when it came to her and soon enough ignoring his feelings was easy; but that didn't mean he could just go and ignore _her_. Years later she still messed with him, but it didn't affect him until that morning… when he was longing to see her face again.

To find out about her.

Sadly, Kili didn't run into her. Before his mind could travel even more back in time and decipher everything that had been wrong or right, he was faced with the entrance of his brother's building. Fili had asked him for help with redecorating his flat, and since Kili was the artist of the family he accepted happily. Nowadays he ran his own gallery and was doing quite well economically, so giving Fili one or two of his paintings for free didn't matter to him; Kili pressed the button of his older brother's flat on the intercom and was soon let inside.

The dark haired man wasn't a fan of elevators, so he took the stairs to the fourth floor. Fili was waiting for him in the hall and as soon as he laid eyes on him, he dedicated Kili a playful look.

"What happened, fella? You look oddly somber," like many of the things Fili said, this line was meaningless until Kili didn't answer with something cheeky and just stared at his brother like he'd been caught doing something naughty. Then his brother walked toward him and placed an arm around his shoulder "damn, tell me about it"

"It's nothing, really" even though he was aware that the turmoil inside him was pretty much real, it would become realer if he spoke about it. _If you don't say it out loud, then it is not as important as it seems._

"Don't be an idiot and talk. You haven't looked like this since…" the blond man he called his brother cut his speech and unhooked his arm from around his neck just to step in front of him and place both hands on his shoulders.

Kili sighed as he listened to his inner alarms ringing through his whole body.

"Since Tauriel" he completed dryly.

Fili seemed at a loss for a moment, and Kili could see him trying hard to gather his thoughts before saying anything else, and he was grateful for these seconds of silence because even he himself couldn't think straight. _What the hell had just happened with his determination of not talking about it?_

Maybe it had been too long.

Too many days, weeks, months and years without speaking about it.

"Bloody hell," was all Fili said before letting go of him and walking inside his flat, Kili followed close behind. He shut the door and rested his back against the wooden door, fearing what Fili might say. Truth was Fili hadn't liked Tauriel a lot, and when she left Kili knew his brother had tried hard to bite back the _"I told you"_ that he'd desperately wanted to shout at him "so you heard of her?"

Kili sighed, the air felt ten times heavier than before.

"No, I didn't"

Relief washed through Fili's features and Kili felt panic overtaking him slowly.

"Why?" Kili came closer to him and used his most authoritative tone. Fili nodded, refusing to talk "What do you know, brother?" he shouted.

"Look, I was two years ahead in college so I barely know stuff about your –erhm, _generation_? But a few months ago I was scrolling down on Facebook, you know, like a normal person would do when they're bored…"

"And _what, _Fili? Tell me!"

"She was quite popular, you know? We share friends… and many of them were commenting and liking one of her pictures. I remembered your fling with her and curiosity bit me; I clicked the picture and she was with this tall, blond guy that's apparently named Legolas"

Kili felt his world crumbling down.

"Caption?" he asked, fearing the answer.

"They're engaged, fella," Fili said this softly, almost scared that Kili would listen to it; the way the face of his younger brother sank made him feel miserable "now, this was probably six or seven months ago, I don't know if they pulled it off" he said trying to comfort him.

"Or if they got married already," Kili covered his eyes with hands and then moved them to his temples, applying pressure until he could feel his heartbeat against his palms "_FUCK"_

This is why you leave the past alone, when you dig too deep you might find things you didn't really want to know, and Kili was feeling miserable with this new information. It was like losing her all over again; then it hit him: she was the kind of love you never get over, the one person you keep on loving no matter what. Why had it taken him so long to see this? Hadn't all those years of denying her pointing that out? His way of forgetting had come back to kick his ass.

Kili wanted to sit, but he was restless. He wanted to shout, but he was mute. He'd been the last to know about this because he was never meant to find out about it. Then he shook his head and moved his eyes to Fili, whose eyes never left him.

"I… I cannot do this, not now. Let's get this place done and then I'll be gone" it was not a suggestion, and Fili knew better than to try to talk him into letting his anger and anguish out, so he sighed and cursed himself for ever attempting to make his little brother feel better.

* * *

Despite his older brother's intentions of not leaving him alone to deal with his demons –like the last time, Kili had gotten rid of him and managed to convince him he'd be alright on his own… he wanted to be alone, like he always was… submerged in the world of his art and the smell of acrylics. He always painted the night sky so he could sprinkle the canvas with stars…

The song of Tauriel and him was now being played with a single-stringed guitar and the melody was quite painful to listen to, a composition that had once been glorious and happy was now his own personal tune of melancholy, that song he'd tried to play too many times alone and even now he couldn't help himself from doing it, while he poured another glass of whiskey down his throat.

Five Armies was a seedy bar located in the west end of an elegant alley called Mirkwood, the black sheep of the family and one of his favourites when he needed to calm himself down. The bad reputation of the bar itself was enough to keep the prudish people away, but not enough to attract the real bad guys… So Kili enjoyed the contrast as he drank his sorrows away.

He had never been one to get completely drunk, but maybe tonight could be the exception. He ordered another round and let the sting of the liquid dissipate as he swallowed.

"Thought I'd find you here" her soft voice caressed the nape of his neck and he turned around, half expecting it was just the booze working its way on him.

Kili almost choked on his drink as he took her in, Tauriel was really there; her fiery hair, her smart eyes and her oh so ever cunning smile. She was dressed with a dark green blouse and jeans, the woman hadn't changed a bit since he'd last seen her. He kept his stare fixed on her, waiting on her to say something else because he sure as hell was speechless and unable to speak even if his life were on it.

"It's been a long time, Kili" she said sheepishly.

"Quite long, indeed… _Tauriel,_" he snapped back to reality and turned quickly to place the glass of whiskey he was holding back on the table behind him, when he faced her again she was standing even closer "what are you doing here?" he asked, meaning to sound hoarser than usual.

Tauriel shrugged and took a sit beside him without asking for permission.

"I would waste both our time and give lame excuses, more than the ones I plan on giving, but I think we both deserve better than that," she started "don't take this the wrong way, but I've been meaning to talk to you for some weeks now. I even went to your gallery, but it seemed like I could never get to you. Until this morning, when I saw you walking by… You looked so lost that I eventually figured you'd end up here, like you did whenever we had one of our fights. I left without explaining much-"

Kili interrupted her.

"You left without saying anything; you just slid a fucking note under my door. You wrote that you loved me…" he remembered tearing the note to shreds.

"My parents had had an accident, and I didn't think we'd been together long enough for you to carry with my burdens. So I left and stayed to take care of them, then I met an old friend and we… "Tauriel blushed and seemed ashamed of her own self "_dated_. We'd been dating for five months when he proposed and I felt the obligation of saying yes. I'm sorry, but Kili, I tried to be happy without you and I couldn't. I called the engagement off and flew back here, because I just couldn't picture my life without you any longer"

He laughed, bitterly but with feeling. Who did she think she was? She couldn't just waltz back into his life and expect him to take in all that crap without further discussion. But at least now he knew why he'd felt that odd during the morning, she had spotted him without him noticing. For someone who longed to see her, he wondered how in the world his eyes could ever miss her… But now, with Tauriel next to him, he felt the tension and longing easing away despite the painful tear inside his heart, the wound re-opening as she talked about the past he wanted so desperately to flee.

"And you think I've been rowing my boat happily down the river? Fuck no. Tauriel, you denied us both our happiness when you left! And just this morning I found out you were engaged, not anymore, but still… It is –it's still too much" Kili turned and grabbed the glass again and emptied the whole drink in his mouth, not even bothering to savour it for it went straight down his throat.

"I'm not asking you for forgiveness…" she whispered and seconds later he could faintly hear her ordering a drink.

"Good, 'cause I'm not granting it to you. Not yet" another whiskey was tempting but he didn't order it, getting drunk while in her presence didn't sound very smart.

After what felt like ages of silence and two rounds later for Tauriel, she finally spoke again.

"We're a pair of idiots" Tauriel was pretty much near to be drunk and he was jealous of the dizziness she might be feeling, if the redheaded woman was going to stay to drink with him, then hell he would drink.

"Great, the drinks are on me" then Kili ordered another whiskey.

* * *

They ended up in his gallery, which was called Erebor and gave the impression of being a treasure cave. He had always been a fan of jewels and gold, so making his gallery look like some kind of mine made sense to him. The second they walked inside he immediately fixed his eyes on Tauriel, slightly proud to see the awe written all over her face as she took in the place he'd worked so hard to make happen.

"Do you remember when we used to talk about starlight and firemoons?" she asked, bumping into him by accident.

Kili nodded.

"Is that why the ceiling is made of glass? I can see the stars right now" Kili looked up and gazed at the transparent ceiling above them. The stars seemed to be dancing above them, in peaceful companionship with the beautiful moon, illuminating the dark sky. Then he looked down at her and smiled slightly.

_She walks in starlight in another world…_

"Kili? Why are you looking at me that way?" she gave the impression of being taken aback and even in the dim light of his gallery he could notice her blushing.

"How am I looking at you?" curse the odds and the gods above, he shouldn't have asked that. The glint of hope and regret that flashed in her eyes made him feel uncomfortable and eager at the same time.

"Like you still love me"

She stood still for a moment before approaching him, fearfully placing her hands on his face to cup it softly in her ivory white hands. Kili took a deep breath and mirrored her gesture, and then he gently tucked one strand of red hair behind her ear. He had always been honest, that wouldn't change tonight.

"You have to be a fool to think I don't love you, Tauriel"

It would take him years to describe how kissing her felt after so many years, the sweet reminder of all the time they'd lost as their lips met never abandoned him as their mouths melded together. He wanted to make up for that time, show her how good they could be still. Tauriel tasted of vodka and something sweet that he recalled perfectly as her own scent, the one he'd become addicted to all those years ago; and he kissed her hard now, grunting as he felt her hands tangling in his hair and pulling him closer and closer until their chests couldn't be distinguished one from the other. Kili hadn't forgiven her yet, he still blamed her for breaking him and he decided to let her know by making the kiss grow aggressive and raw.

Tauriel might've blamed him for something too, for she bit back and traced her tongue along his lower lip, begging for entrance. He didn't accept and they were lacking of air, the single second it took her to break inches apart to take a breath was enough for him to take advantage of her parted lips and to plunge into her mouth mercilessly, exploring her wet, sweet mouth for all he was worth. Tauriel gasped in surprise, but drove her tongue forward to meet his, slowly getting themselves lost in the kiss.

Kili ran his hands along her sides, feeling the delicate curve of her waist underneath her clothes, then he finally clasped them together just above her bottom. Her hands, on the other side of the story, were making a mess of his hair still, until he finally felt them dropping down and slowly passing above his shoulders, then the heat of her palms pressed against his chest made him groan with discontent, she was putting up distance and he hated the simple idea of being separated from her again.

He could never grow tired of kissing her, but she pulled away and he promptly directed his lust-clouded eyes to her swollen lips.

"I'm sorry I hurt you…" Tauriel whispered, pressing her forehead against his, then she went down to kiss his cheeks, peppering butterfly kisses as she spoke "Everywhere I went I saw your name, your paintings are famous… you are famous…" then she stopped and pecked his lips "I was always dying to find out about you"

"Tell me you love me, say it," he pleaded as he nuzzled his face in the space between her neck and her shoulder, inhaling the citric aroma of her perfume.

"I do, I love you"

Making love in a gallery hadn't been as awkward as he had believed it would be, they rested in a tangle of limbs, cuddled in a sofa upholstered in fake, black leather. Their time apart had broken them both, but they would find a way to mend each other, together… Kili was still hurting but letting her go again would hurt many, many times more; and Tauriel herself didn't give the hints of someone who wants to leave, for she hugged him by the waist tightly and used his chest as pillow.

Kili never thought his day would end nor start like this, for now they both stared up and looked through the glass, watching the pink and lilac tones of the sky as the night slowly merged into day… Outside it might be cold, but inside his gallery everything was warmer than ever.

* * *

_This is the first AU I've ever written... So, review? (I'm sort of scared of flames, so be gentle please hehe).  
_


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